Seven Ideas Worse Than Getting Drunk and Throwing Axes | Food Feature | Indy Week
Pin It

Seven Ideas Worse Than Getting Drunk and Throwing Axes 

Had The Herald-Sun turned into The Onion or had Durham turned into Portlandia?

I'm sure I wasn't the only one who wondered this a couple of weeks ago, when the paper reported that national chain Urban Axes (my god, just the name, you can almost smell the beard wax) is headed for Foster Street this summer. The concept? Grab a beer or eight and then hurl actual freaking axes at—with! I mean with!—dozens of other tipsy tech bros. It's like darts but with deadlier implements that nobody has a clue how to throw. What could go wrong?

We have a lot more questions, such as "What!," "WHY," and "Can't. Even." Most important, is there a single worse idea in all creation? Let's see.

Beer garden with beekeeping

The hoppiest IPAs and the sting-iest bees await in a gracious apiary. Entry is free, but mask and smoker rental costs $100. (Worth it, especially on "Wasp Tuesdays.") #BYOBakingSoda.

Tapas with chainsaw juggling

When your inner lumberjack tires of Urban Axes, sample small plates and juggle big saws in an elegant dining room with an open kitchen and discreet troughs for blood runoff.

Wine bar with swine flu

"I'm getting pear, clove, fresh grass, butter, tobacco, and ... smack smack ... yes, just a note of swine flu," is the sort of comment you'll overhear at this oenophile's paradise and probable place of death.

Oxygen bar with flamethrowers

click to enlarge ILLUSTRATION BY CHRISTOPHER WILLIAMS
  • Illustration by Christopher Williams

Aromatherapy and pure mayhem for the price of one. Show up early, because it's going up in a ball of fire almost immediately.

Waterpark with goats

You can do yoga with goats, so you might as well take one bombing down the Trip-Trap Rapids or whatever. That's what the world is like now, nothing makes sense, you can just do anything.

Weed café with sitar rentals

Now wait a damn minute. Is this actually the best idea ever?

Bottle shop with shovels

Drink those miniature Miller High Lifes out of an Igloo cooler stuck in a dirt floor while enjoying hours of backbreaking digging. (This one will be engulfed in scandal when it turns out to be a scam to get free labor for a construction project.)

Comments

Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

INDY Week publishes all kinds of comments, but we don't publish everything.

  • Comments that are not contributing to the conversation will be removed.
  • Comments that include ad hominem attacks will also be removed.
  • Please do not copy and paste the full text of a press release.

Permitted HTML:
  • To create paragraphs in your comment, type <p> at the start of a paragraph and </p> at the end of each paragraph.
  • To create bold text, type <b>bolded text</b> (please note the closing tag, </b>).
  • To create italicized text, type <i>italicized text</i> (please note the closing tag, </i>).
  • Proper web addresses will automatically become links.

Latest in Food Feature



Twitter Activity

Comments

Sal is the man. He always delivers and the atmosphere is amazing.

by Brian B on Vic's Italian Restaurant (Wake County)

A great little family Italian restaurant. Good menu. Quiet setting. Good service. …

by Anthony Dean Morgan on Pulcinella's Italian Restaurant (Durham County)

Most Read

Most Recent Comments

Embarrassingly low quality journalism. The author would do well to properly investigate some of the studies that were mentioned and …

by Matthew Christopher on In Carrboro's first kava bar, Krave, getting kozy is hard (Food Feature)

First time commenter.

Allison,

Can you please return the 5 minutes of my life I wasted reading …

by Anon Ymous on The Triangle's Tropical Drinks Are Mighty Tasty, but Their History Is Harder to Swallow (Food Feature)

talk about missing the ENTIRE point of a pop-cultural phenomenon. "Tiki" is a twice-removed acknowledgement of an American trend in …

by Ron Oliver on The Triangle's Tropical Drinks Are Mighty Tasty, but Their History Is Harder to Swallow (Food Feature)

What a shit article. I doubt the alcohol made you any more fun to be around, on a good day …

by Bill Clinton is a rapist on The Triangle's Tropical Drinks Are Mighty Tasty, but Their History Is Harder to Swallow (Food Feature)

Complaining about problematic businesses and giving them money in the same article. Another home run, Indy!

by John Cruz on The Triangle's Tropical Drinks Are Mighty Tasty, but Their History Is Harder to Swallow (Food Feature)

© 2018 Indy Week • 320 E. Chapel Hill St., Suite 200, Durham, NC 27701 • phone 919-286-1972 • fax 919-286-4274
RSS Feeds | Powered by Foundation