Becky Crowstar | Indy Week

Becky Crowstar 
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Re: “The two faces of Bo Lozoff

Kevin, Im not going to argue with you about who knows Bo better.

I dont claim to know him better than you, or anyone else. My point was to share my own experience, which for sake of clarification, was for the exact duration Ive indicated --3 months. Bo arrived home 3 days before I arrived in NC in late Sept., and I left just after the New Year. Bo was there for all but a few days around Christmas when I house-sat for him and Sita. With the exception of the couple days you helped raise walls on the cabin, you saw me primarily in the office because these were mail days when extra help was needed inside. But after the first five weeks, the vast majority of the work I did was transferred outside to help Bo fulltime building the cabin. Yes, sunup to sundown. Usually just us, mostly in silence. And I reiterate, I never felt unsafe, or threatened. It was a rich and enjoyable learning experience, for which Ive given gratitude to HKF, and God numerous times.

No; I was never at KH, which Ive already stated.

My purpose is not to defend Bo against anyone. Just as you do, I love him and want healing for him and all involved. However, I would be remiss as Bos and Sitas -- friend not to offer up my perspective on the Bo that I do know.

I found out about it, because I have kept in touch with the Lozoffs, and have a Reiki relationship with them. My friend Bo contacted me to let me know that things were in a bad way at HKF, because he knows that I care about all of them, and its a natural response for friends to reach out to friends. He asked me for nothing, suggested nothing.

Its futile to maintain a debate here. I responded as a friend, because it appeared to me that Eklutna was insinuating criminal incarceration and from my perspective, behaving unprofessionally alarmist. I also wished to say that my own feminine wounds had healed greatly due in part through my study and practice of Bos teachings.

I believe you that you think you know him best and therefore are doing the right thing. I simply dont agree.

I officially declare to disappoint Eklutna and post no more on this blog.

Peace and Blessings, Becky

7 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by Becky Crowstar on 09/08/2008 at 5:18 PM

Re: “The two faces of Bo Lozoff

While I can appreciate Eklutna's frustration with a culture that gives little creedence to women's voices when it comes to abuse, sexual or otherwise, I have to wonder if for her this is far more personal than what she implies. Eklutna, you sound like you have an agenda that's not being satisfied. Your comments are increasingly punitive and transparent: first you make it clear that from a psychologist's perspective you see Bo as an "antisocial personality" [29.August, 2:13pm], blaming Bo for the "firestorm of comment, [which is] also typical of the antisocial personality's way of creating chaos and dissension, polarizing those in the vicinity in such a way as to deflect attention from their own actions." Are you now implying he is also responsible for the fact that "the comments on this issue seem to be slacking off? "... If I were the brave woman who stepped up and made this happen, I would be wondering why I bothered: a lot of jumping up and down and hollering, and ...nothing." [5.Sept.2:04pm]

Your willingness to publicly equate Bo with another writer's reference to a pop culture's mythical figure of evil: Voldemort, and your own reference to "Charles Mansion" [sic]-- a brutal murdering psychopath! based solely on a journalist's clearly slanted rendition of several women's experiences of Bo's sexual misconduct and spiritual leadership, alarms me and makes me question your professionalism! You hinted that, indeed, one or more of these women may be under your thereapeutic care, including "Onepeace", and that you may also have inside information on Bo "[from] friends."

If this is so, my prayers go out to these women. Because, if Bo's admitedly poorly performed attempts at using a powerful mystical-healing tool he had no clear guidance to use, was "manipulation and abuse" in your and others' eyes, then what do you call it when a husband, and/or perhaps a therapist takes a woman who has had a consensual erotic relationship from which she has derived healing, has shed sexual dysfunction, and gives public thanks to the one who helped her overcome these things and (because the nature of this healing is unconventional, complex, and culturally taboo), remolds her thinking to convince her that she has been sexually abused? Along with others, Eklutna has named Bo a 'sexual predator', and stated that, "Treatment of sexual predators is a near-impossible task. In fact, in the worst cases, locking them up is the only thing that works. In "lesser" cases, complete and clear exposure of their behavior and protection of current and future victims is all that can be done, most of the time." And that, "sexual abuse is pretty much like alcoholism: incurable, but ABSOLUTELY, 100% preventable. Not one iota of this would have happened if Bo hadn't done what he did. It's really very simple." And finally, "Meanwhile, Bo himself, after his one lengthy diatribe denying all allegations and pointing the finger at others, remains silent." (Actually, see his letter to the Editor, 3.Sept.08.) "...Hey, it will all blow over, right? Mothers, keep your daughters safe, and make sure you always know where they are. What else can we say?"

I have to ask you, Eklutna, what are you fishing for? You certainly seem to have someting in mind, but perhaps don't want to be the one to say it outright..?

In these writings, you have identified yourself as a psychologist, but you're certainly not an objective one.

Having grown up in a household that was female to male, 4:1, where the women were not only unvalued, but considered a hinderance to the humans (males), a drain on household and world resources, incompetent, stupid and a terrible burden to the larger culture, through a daily dose of verbal abuse, and although I was never physically harmed, have had a life history of identifiying all my ills by my female nature. Along with all my adult sisters, I have had physical illnesses specific to women that are not suggested by genetics. Unlike Bo, I have a great deal of respect for the various psychiatric and psychological traditions, and I have been through many years of therapy of every stripe: family counseling, substance abuse therapy, group therapy, marriage counseling, and individual psychiatric counseling, as well as accupuncture and energetic healing work (the latter of which I've since become a practitioner). If any of my counselors or therapists had ever spoke the way Eklutna does about Bo, in addressing my Father/ brother, or family culture, I would have been far more confused on leaving her office, than when I came in her door, and been headed in the opposite direction from any kind of healing of these deep feminine wounds, which I have gratefully experienced. (Through both traditional methods, and numerous alternatives, including ritual, mystical/ sexual experiences, which are not as uncommon as many may think.) I would not know that my Father is another complex human being, who has had his own issues with abuse, and needed compassion and healing too. There would have been no forgiveness, and its concomitant peace. I would only fear him now, even as a grown adult, and never have left my identity of 'victim' behind. We would not be the loving friends we have since become.

Eklutna says that she hopes these women who spoke up can feel empowered by coming forward and stating the truth. But whose truth is it? I must wonder if it is Onepeace's truth, or her estranged husband's, who admits that he was attached to a certain idea, and "have never been able to put that incident behind me." Onepeace, you say that your marriage is falling apart due to the fallout of what you say Bo did to you, but it sounds to me like a marriage from hell from the start, where your husband could not let go of his precious possessions in the form of his beliefs about his spiritual teacher, and you, his beloved-- who they are, and how they should be in the world. Putting people on pedestals is a dangerous practice. It's not only near instant deification that removes their humanity and turns them into soulless icons, but also prevents any kind of real relationship with them. May each of these Hearts find the Peace that dwells within, as all the great teachers have shown us.

For the record, I have become a friend of Sita's and Bo's, and Catherine's, the same way thousands of others have-- through their profound service work to prisoners and prisoner's families. It was my great honor to spend last winter serving the Prison-Ashram Project and Human Kindness Foundation as a volunteer, both part and full time, for three months. This wasn't Kindness House, but there were ex-cons among the friends and other volunteers who came and went regularly, including Kevin Dessert. Some days I was there from sun up to sundown, working shoulder to shoulder with the whole Lozoff family, Catherine Miller and others.

Bo and Sita lived in the offices for at least 9 months, while Bo built a cabin for them, which I am pleased I had a hand to help in, as well as reading and answering prisoner mail, and stuffing packages in the mailroom, along with offering a few Reiki energy healings, and the more mundane tasks of living. Never once did I feel unsafe, or preyed upon, or deceived. Occasionally frustrated? Yes! My tender sensitivities trampled? A couple of times. As are they, I am a work in progress, and know that perfection and humanity don't often align. What I did get was a lesson in the mistake of putting revered and beloved people on pedestals, (which I had anticipated I would do), and welcomed the iconoclastic reality as a difficult, but rewarding lesson in life. I didn't have to knock them off those columns, they jumped off all on their own, for which I'll ever be grateful. I can now claim to know them as real people, deeply spiritual, committed, relentlessly hard-working and focused, complex, sometimes difficult and bull-headed, and even -- ouch-- fallible.

Eklutna, could the veracity of this article overall, be the real reason it's not generating enough traffic to suit you? Matt tried to use Bo's mistakes, and arrogance to found a story with trumped-up, unsubstantiable allegations against him and absurdly, the Human Kindness Foundation. It makes everything else suspect in its presentation. I've no doubt that some erotic encounters happened, and that Bo's misplaced attempts to keep them secret did some damage. He has admitted as much, but I have known sexual predators and Bo is not one of them. I pray for the healing of those women and men who are struggling upon their own paths, have suffered from these experiences, and have felt that they were doing the right thing in "coming forward." In the way of the Great Mystery, I even have faith that they did the "right thing" with this ultimate destruction, generating death and rebirth. I ask the Divine One, that when all we seekers, accusers or supporters, near our Bodhisattva-selves on our own paths, may we not stumble and fall into another, on his or her path. May all our actions be only from a place of deep courage and truth, always. May we never err with hubris, because we've been Blessed with a Divine gift, but no guidance as to how to use it. May we do no harm.

By the name of the Most Divine, Peace and Blessings to all, Becky Hoffbauer

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by Becky Crowstar on 09/06/2008 at 8:21 PM

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