Monday, September 5, 2016
Evil Clown Reports Have Migrated from South Carolina to, Oh God, North Carolina
by David Hudnall
on Mon, Sep 5, 2016 at 1:33 PM
As we noted last week
, police in South Carolina have experienced a rash of reports of clowns lurking around Greenville and trying to lure small children into the woods
Here’s a taste, from Fox 8 in Greenville
One Tuesday night, the Greenville Police Department reportedly received two new calls about clown sightings at Shemwood Apartments, within hours of each other.
Callers said kids started chasing two clowns through the complex before the clowns ran to a wooden fence and broke through it to get away. One clown was waiting in a car and the other two clowns jumped in and they took off. Witnesses said the car appeared to be a newer-model black Honda.
The children told officers one clown had a red nose and red hair but no face paint.
The story has proven too irresistible for even The New York Times
, which added these horrible details
to the mix:
A woman walking home late one night said she had seen a “large-figured” clown waving at her from under a streetlight, the police said. (She waved back.) And another woman said her son had heard clanging chains and a banging noise at his front door.
That was last week. Now, over in not-so-very-far-away Winston-Salem, more reports have surfaced of terrifying clowns trying to drag kids into the woods. From 13 WMAZ
According to the Winston-Salem Police Department, a man dressed as a clown tried to lure two kids into the woods near the 1200 block of East 29th Street Sunday night.
According to the two kids, the man had on white overalls, white gloves, red shoes with red bushy hair, a white face, and a red nose. They told police he offered them treats if they would come into the woods. Police say an adult heard, but did not see the man.
Worth noting: as of yet, there is no conclusive photo or video evidence of these clowns in either Carolina. It could be some kind of bizarre mass hysteria or a copycat crime. Or maybe there is a hidden subculture of murderous clowns who have decided that now is their moment to rise up and terrorize us. Who’s to say!
Hope everybody is enjoying their Labor Day. Did you know that the holiday was signed into law in 1894 by President Grover Cleveland, following the Pullman Stri—THE CLOWNS ARE IN NORTH CAROLINA NOW.