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Stop Fripping around 

Not a Q&A

When King Crimson founder Robert Fripp visits The ArtsCenter in Carrboro on Tuesday, Feb. 21 at 8 p.m., he will conclude his Solo Soundscapes set with a question-and-answer session. Ten questions--alternately whacky, idiotic, irreverent or too close to the bone--follow. None of these are recommended.

1) Hey Robert, I'm a huge fan of your collaborations with people like Eno, Bowie and Gabriel. Can you play on my record?

Projected answer: "No." [Goes Frippertronic ... on your ass.]

2) Yo, Bob. I'm a big fan of your longer jamming, man, I gotta say. Like, uhh, your soundscapes, that stuff is like, heavy, dude. You and Trey should totally jam. Like, would you be cool if I sat in? I play a mean rainstick.

Projected answer: Someone says "Yeeeeah." A puff of smoke appears. The room smells of dirty laundry.

click to enlarge ILLUSTRATION BY NATHAN GOLUB

3) Robert, I hear you were in The Residents. True? False?

Projected answer: "Huh?" [He turns into a mole and scampers away.]

4) Every time I listen to No Pussyfooting on original import vinyl--yeah, I know, I'm awesome at life and stuff--and I'm flipping from Side 1--"The Heavenly Musical Corporation"--to Side 2--"Swastika Girls"--I start sobbing. And it's because I'm wondering if all Swastika Girls go to Heaven. Do they, Bobby?

Projected answer: Fripp responds with references to obscure solo cuts of his own: "Well, great question. But I think 'The Outer Darkness' has an 'Abandonment of Divine Providence' for 'Queer Jazz' folk like you."

5) Hey there, Robert, thanks for coming to Carrboro. I know you recorded a piece of processed guitar for Windows Vista, but I hear you use Macs. Is it so?

Projected answer: Fripp leads a discussion of the recording process using his color spectrum theory, and why he sells digital versions of his sound checks through his Web site.

6) Robert, I've noticed on your fan Web site, Elephant Talk, there are several different acronyms for King Crimson like--but not limited to--KC, Krimson with a K and Krimmy. Which is your favorite?

Projected answer: "I don't know. Let's talk about Tony Levin's haircut."

7) Speaking of nicknames, I've also noticed people on Elephant Talk have several different nicknames for you. Tell me, how do you feel about Frippholio?

Projected answer: [Awkward silence. No laughter.]

8) Robert, you're the only consistent member of King Crimson. What is your favorite photo of KC and your boys?

Projected answer: "I like the one where I'm playing the mellotron, actually."

9) Robert, you pick with your right hand and finger frets. Are you a lefty or a righty?

Projected answer: "Lefty, now step away from my axe. You've seen enough of that."

10) What would J.G. Bennett think of you now?

Projected answer: [Sustained feedback.]

Tickets are $25.

Grayson Currin and Kirk Ross also contributed questions.

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