"He's not going to be here"
by Shae Simms
Editor's Note: Freelance photographer Justin Cook took pictures of mothers whose children had been murdered; those portraits were then published in the Indy last May (see "A life sentence"). Among those mothers was Joslin Simms, whose son, Rayburn, was shot to death May 21, 2005, at Broad and Leon streets in Durham. Police have yet to catch his assailant. Joslin has only now begun to grieve, as she was left to help raise several of Ray's four children, including his teen daughter, Shae Simms. Shae wrote the following piece about her father; click play below to hear Joslin read the poem.
He's not going to be here
To see me graduate high school;
He's not going to be here
To see Marcus play the trumpet
And says that's cool;
He's not going to be here
When I start college and my career;
He's not going to be here
To see Raven do her first cheer;
He's not going to be here
When I get married and have kids;
He's not going to be here
To see little Tony grow big;
He's not going to be here
With me laughing
and joking around;
He's not going to be here
To see Shaun in his cap and gown;
He's not going to be here
To play the game and win;
He's not going to be here
With his family playing pretend;
He's not going to be here
When I take the SAT
and get my score;
He's not going to be here
To help my mom with me anymore;
He's not going to be here
To keep me warm when I get cold;
He's not going to be here
With his brothers as they grow old;
He's not going to be here
To experience with me my life as a teen;
He's not going to be here
To joke around and mess with Darlene;
He's not going to be here
When I first learn how to drive;
He's not going to be here
Because he is not alive;
and that's the part
that is eating me up inside
I ask every day why
did he have to be the one who died.
I just want to know
Why he had to leave us so soon
Why can't he just be here with his kids
Sitting and watching cartoons
He's not going to be here
To see that we all came out to be smart
He's not going to be here at all
And that's what hurts
so deep in my heart;
He's not going to be here
To play with his children and be loud;
But it's up to me to make sure that
we all become somebody
who would have made him proud.
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