Search backpage.com for "NC dommes," and before long, you'll find Molly Lioness, aka Miss Molly, a thirty-one-year-old New Jersey native who divides her time and services between the Triangle and New York's Westchester County.
Her ads stand out from the rest partly due to a mischievous smile. In one photo, she sports a nurse's costume, holds an enema bag, and grins. In a seven-second video, the smile entices potential "guests" while she taps a wooden spoon against her palm. Miss Molly doesn't want to be scary. She wants to be fun.
The INDY recently caught up with Molly, who's setting up a more permanent home in North Carolina after working here for a decade. She explained the crucial differences between professional dominatrices and "former escorts," how she became the Triangle's only provider of ABDL (keep reading), why the guy who wanted to dress her up as his stepdaughter creeped her out, and how being a domme keeps her sane.
INDY: I've noticed in the Backpage ads that dommes tend to move around the country frequently. Why is that?
Miss Molly: Honestly, a lot of it is just that there's not necessarily the most competent dommes everywhere. Those of us who have the ability to provide really good services tend to travel, because you'll be going somewhere for a weekend. And that means five grand, easily.
You said "competent dommes." Are there a lot of people out there who just think they can get some toys from Adam & Eve and start a domme business?
Ohhhhh, yeah. There's three types of dommes: There's competent ones, who genuinely love what they do and know what they're doing. Then you have escorts that don't want to be escorts anymore, and they have no idea what they're doing, no safety techniques. And then you have man-hating sadists who think they can just beat people, which is really, really not what BDSM is about.
I've seen other interviews with dommes in which they talk about apprenticeships. Did you do that?
I did. I was actually trained in New Zealand when I was eighteen. It was a gift given to me by a very close friend, my graduation present. And I was trained, initially, as a professional submissive, and then as a domme.
How did you strike out on your own?
I actually started just by doing fetish videos with a friend of mine who was already in the business. Basically, through those videos, I had requests from people asking for private sessions. And so I started doing that, and it just spawned into something that I really, really enjoy doing. It kind of keeps me sane now. If I didn't get it in, I would be cranky and pissy all the time.
What is the most common request you get?
Foot fetishes are definitely huge. Toy play is a really, really big kink. In North Carolina, that's fine. In some states, you can't advertise that. Crossdressing and sissy training is big. In this area, there's a huge community of ABDL, which I'm super happy about. I'm the only provider in this area for that.
What is "ABDL"?
ABDL is "adult babies or diaper lovers." And it can be a combination of both, or it could be just one or the other. Some people like diapers for the toilet-training aspect of it, as opposed to regression or age play. Some like it combined.
What's your favorite activity?
I like watersports a lot. Strap-on play is definitely up there on my list. In general, I like the introductory courses. It's just fun for me to watch people the first time, just doing something exploratory.
What types of roles do you find yourself playing the most?
A lot of maternal, teacher, anything where there's a power dynamic—boss and employee, or "I got caught." It's a really big role-play. It could be, "I got caught going through my sister's underwear drawer. She's gonna punish me." People love to get caught.
What male personality type is most likely to visit a dominatrix?
Typically, I find that people who have very high-powered jobs, very demanding schedules, tend to be more drawn to dommes. They have to make decisions all day long. They have to be in control constantly in their lives. And it is truly an escape to give up that control.
Do you suspect that any of your clients are members of the North Carolina General Assembly?
I would say [that type is] fairly common. I find a lot of military is very common. And yes, anything with judges, lawyers, police officers. Sometimes, too, a lot of medical professionals are drawn to the ABDL. It's a situation where they're putting out all of this care for other people 24-7. So letting go and letting someone else care for you kind of makes up for that.
It actually sounds like there's a lot of compassion involved in what you do.
There absolutely is. I have clients that I've seen for over a decade. And they come over, and it's like, "Hey, how are the kids doing?" There's definitely, a very cordial, very caring aspect.
In your ads, it says at the end of your list of services: "Not here? Just ask!" But there's gotta be limits, right?
I definitely do have limits. I don't do anything involving blood. Nothing involving implied children. I had a guest once who asked me to play his stepdaughter, and I just wasn't into it. He was like, "Oh, I could bring over some clothes from my stepdaughter for you to wear." That just creeped me out to a level that I didn't need to be at. ABDL is far less sexual. With the regression, it's much more maternal. It's literally, like, cuddling, a bubble bath, and things of that nature. I'm huge on hygiene. I don't like stinky people. That is a huge issue that, I think, anyone in the sex industry deals with.
Do you get a feeling that many of your clients are married?
There are some that are obviously married. It's easy to go to your wife after twenty years and say, you know, "Sweetie, I don't think we're having enough sex." It's a very different conversation going to your wife and saying, "Oh, and by the way, when you're not home, I wear your clothes and play with your dildos." And so, for a lot of people, it's very difficult to bring up something like that. They're terrified that they're gonna be judged, even by someone who loves them. Kink is one of those things that's just in the back of your head. You need, sometimes, to get it out.
I guess it could be easily rationalized that it's not "cheating."
Certainly. Most dommes will not provide any sexual services. I always tell people, "You are welcome to get off whenever you feel like getting off. Do your own thing, but I'm not gonna have anything to do with it." This is something outside of sex itself.
Do you get couples?
I definitely do. Either the female wants to learn how to be dominant, or the male wants to learn how to be dominant. It's a little miniclassroom. I've had women come in, and their boyfriends said ahead of time, "She's not going to do anything at all. She's just going to sit there and watch." By the end, she has him tied down and blindfolded, and she's saying, "Take him in the bathroom and piss on him!"
What's your favorite item in your playroom?
That's hard. A lot of what I have down here [in North Carolina] are not my favorites. TSA is not very fond of me. So I don't have a lot of my stuff. But hopefully, I can start to set up more of my fun stuff down here. I have a really, really cool mummification chamber. It's like latex, with a little hole for their mouth, and there's a big sheet that lifts up and then sucks the air out. It's a really neat chamber.
That sounds intense.
It is really intense. I think your imagination is, hands down, your best toy.
This article appeared in print with the headline "Good Golly, Miss Molly"