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Spoof!

Application for Durham City Manager 

Spoof!

Have you always dreamed of holding a job in which it is impossible to please anyone? Do you yearn for the challenge of herding wayward city administrators while ignoring critical issues such as public health and safety? Does job security repulse you?

If you answered any of these questions, then you could be Durham's next city manager. Please fill out this application and take the brief test to evaluate your knowledge of how local government and city services work. Send to City Manager Search, P.O. Box 2690, Durham, NC 27715. Finalists will be notified.

Name Address

Phone Email

Emergency contact person to be notified when you resign under pressure ________________________

What previous patronage jobs have you held with the City of Durham or local government agencies? (Circle all that apply)

a) Property manager at a public housing project

b) Recreation assistant at Lyon Park Community Center

c) Ghost employee floating among several city departments

Previous management experience

a) Earring kiosk, Northgate Mall

b) McDonald's (breakfast shift)

c) Pee Wee soccer

May we check social networking sites and YouTube for possible damaging details regarding your personal life?

a) Yes

b) No

c) Please, no

City knowledge

Lead in drinking water makes it:

a) Heavier

b) Dangerous to human health

c) Refreshing any time of day

Where does Durham get its water?

a) The faucet

b) Water elves

c) In 16.9-oz. bottles, a six-pack for $2.99 at Kroger

Which is not an ingredient in a yard-waste pile?

a) Branches

b) Pine straw

c) Flames

A police officer is spotted in his patrol car with his eyes closed. What might he be doing?

a) Resting his eyes

b) Pretending to sleep, but really watching drug dealers on the corner

c) Enjoying a quiet moment with a lady friend

Pick out the criminal in the following photo lineup:

A sign at the entrance to a parking garage reads "No vehicles over 4,000 pounds". You're driving a 2 1/2-ton truck. Do you enter the garage?

a) Yes, but at top speed so as not to touch the ground.

b) Yes, but turn down throbbing bass on the stereo system

c) Yes, but stick a wad of chewing gum in the huge crack in the wall

Your ability to work with City Council is essential to your success as city manager. How do you view these elected officials?

a) With contempt

b) As a necessary evil

c) They're out to get me

General knowledge

Who is the governor of North Carolina?

a) Mike Easley

b) Mike Krzyzewski

c) Lavonia Allison

A No. 7 DATA bus leaves Southpoint Mall at 4 p.m., headed for downtown. A No. 11 DATA bus leaves the VA hospital at 3:50, but breaks down on Erwin Road and has to be towed. At what time will the two buses meet at the downtown terminal?

a) 7:27 the next morning

b) June 2009

c) Never

  • Spoof!

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