Carol Everett 
Member since Nov 14, 2013


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Re: “Can police prevent domestic violence simply by telling offenders to stop?

@Tim Wohlford While I agree completely to the points in paragraph one, I find the entire second point not only invalid but offensive. As a survivor of domestic violence I can assure you that there is but one side to the violence at hand. In my case, his violence against me. I did nothing to incur his anger, much less to induce the beatings I got. Calling the victims of domestic violence asymptomatic "Typhoid Mary's" is incorrigible. You cannot lay any of the blame for the violence their domestic partners perpetrate against them on the victims. This kind of attitude is what has kept domestic violence in the dark for so long. It's like giving the violent offender a ticket to "go ahead" because he/she asked for it some how. I can tell you from personal experience that I never asked for it, that I did in every way possible try to avoid violence since I was the one getting the beat downs. No matter what I did, no matter what I said, it made no difference. If I looked at him in what he considered the "wrong way" POW, punched in the face, slapped, knocked to the floor, kicked. If there were even one dust bunny, if I failed to answer the phone by the second ring, if I didn't cook dinner in what he termed the "right way", if I tried to spend any time with friends or with my grown children, these were all reasons for him to attack me in the most violent and psychologically scarring ways. Name calling, threats not just to me but to my children, my friends, my family, the family pet. Breaking my possessions, taking scissors to my clothes. Then after the big BLOW-UP the reconciliation, all the I love you's, the grand gestures, all the promises he would later break. Of course I believed these lies, I wanted to believe they were true because despite everything, I loved him and no one, not you, no one, is going to penalize me or any victim of domestic violence for that. After 8 years on this roller coaster ride I finally ended the relationship only to have him stalk and threaten me all the more. Eventually he found another woman to victimize and has left me alone, Thank God, I feel most fortunate in this since many of the victims of domestic homicide are the women who have left their abusive spouses. And to clarify your friends choices in relationships, God rest her soul, it is NOT a conscious thought to go looking for a violent partner. It is much more psychologically complex than just looking for that "thrill ride" as you call it. I can assure you, it is no thrill ride. If you do some research on the subject you will see what I am talking about, its much more detailed than I intend on going into here. I have put enough of my own personal history here for you and the rest of the world to see. Stop placing blame on the victims.

3 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by Carol Everett on 11/14/2013 at 3:53 PM

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