Tim Wohlford 
Member since Nov 6, 2013



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Re: “Can police prevent domestic violence simply by telling offenders to stop?

1. Not every violent act is from a male to a female. Lesbian DV, as well as gay DV, isn't all that uncommon. Before I became a damned Yankee here, I was friends with a DV court judge, who told me that about 1/3 of the defendants were female. Battered males are all too common. I'm glad you at least hinted at this aspect of the problem.

2. As my grandmother said, "It takes two to tango". (Maybe it was "Two to tangle"?). To address issues only with one side of these situations is to miss the point -- that such relationships have two components. Granted, no excuse can be had for any physical abuse, but as those who have done the hitting will attest, there was more going on than just that violence. To hold only one party responsible, to address the issues of only one party, just causes the disease to continue, much as if we left an asymptomatic "Typhoid Mary" carrier out on the loose.

This is where it gets personal for me... I performed a funeral for a friend of mine. Her hubby started beating her after his severe head injury. The next two abuses were boyfriends w/o any previous violent histories of any sort. The third boyfriend, a dangerous-looking guy that was in fact relatively mild, and no previous DV issues, beat her until she died. My friend, for all of her wonderful qualities, had become -- lacking a better word -- "addicted" to the thrill ride, the drama, the lifestyle, the attention from friends, of a relationship with a man who became violent. There was a part of her that was attracted to such situations, who attracted such men. Her "stuff" was so powerful that it consumed them and killed her.

She isn't the only one I've watched do this dance, and I'm sure that the local abuse shelters will happily testify that they have to do some intervention to prevent the abused from getting into that situation again.

1 like, 11 dislikes
Posted by Tim Wohlford on 11/13/2013 at 2:25 PM

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