Eklutna gratefully accepts your disapprobation, and humbly requests to know when this forum became about her. She also begs leave to point out--again--that no accusations have been made, although comparisons of typologies have been drawn and light has--hopefully--been shed, at least for some of us here. What other recourse is there than for some of us to speak our truths and warn others?
With apologies, I want to point out that, in the post before this one, I quote Bo Lozoff's words as they were quoted in another letter, higher up, and I failed to put his name at the end of the quote.
Danishauthor, I have really enjoyed your beautiful letters, and Kevin, I have enjoyed yours, in a different way. I think you are being honest and loving both; sometimes it's okay to be angry, and sometimes, as we grow, we begin to see enough that we become less angry. In this series of comments, I think a lot of people have needed to vent in one way or another. You have been honest and loving both.
You are naked before the world now. Take the freedom to hide nothing, make no excuses, blame no one other than yourself. Surrender to the terrible mystery that has taken place in your life and be a humble servant of God until you draw your last breath. Thats the only thing that will make sense now. You can do this, dear one. And were honored to help. (We) love you right now, right where you are. And if (we) do, then imagine how God does.
I kind of felt like this got lost in the shuffle, and I think that would be a pity. Someone who can write something like this has been given a monumental gift. But words, even God-given ones, are cheap. It's living them that makes the difference. I think Kevin and various others are right: this is all a great gift to Bo. He is loved. Will he be able to accept love that doesn't come to him on his own terms? That will be his acid test. His daughter-in-law reports that he will no longer teach. Well, in my opinion, that's just not possible: we are all teachers to each other, every minute of our lives. Bo can submit to the new level of humility he is being offered, or he can sulk for the rest of his life. It's up to him. Nothing is ever lost.
My own teacher said many times during his life that if we had the slightest idea of what love REALLY is, we would be completely shattered in our understanding.
Oh, and Becky: I hope that was therapeutic for you, but your assumptions about who I am and what my agenda is were erroneous. I couldn't make it through all your lengthy post, but I did notice your assumptions about this, and about who I might be associated with in all this. I won't entertain that, but I will say that I have worked in the human services field for many years, and with many, many clients. I am also a member of the larger contemplative community of this planet, and this area. We are all inter-connected, and we all know each other and OF each other, on some level. We are all responsible for each other, too. Bo knows that, even as he staggers under the weight of "the love that shatters and heals."
I note that the comments on this issue seem to be slacking off. I find myself wondering how the brave woman who stepped up and made this happen is feeling. I wonder how the other women who experienced victimization from this man feel. I think if it were me, I would be wondering why I bothered: a lot of jumping up and down and hollering, and....nothing. Most sexual predators, at this point, might curtail their behavior for awhile, but it would not be long before they were at it again. I hope the women who were involved in this can feel empowered, at least, by having come forward and stated the truth.
The last writer notes that a skewed image of Bo Lozoff has come out of all this. He seems to think this because he himself has a good image of Bo. In the interest of his liking for Bo, he points the finger at the rest of us. Now, let's see, that reminds me of someone.....
It seems to me that, if one reads everything here, a very accurate portrayal of this man has been given, on both sides.
Meanwhile, Bo himself, after his one lengthy diatribe denying all allegations and pointing the finger at others, remains silent. Hey, it will all blow over, right? Mothers, keep your daughters safe, and make sure you always know where they are. What else can we say?
Throughout this thread, there have been one or more writers who have seemed to feel it somehow their "duty" to defend Bo Lozoff, despite Bo's unwillingness to defend himself (or so it would seem). This is interesting, and indicative of my own observations on the topic. Koonarishi, in particular, seems to have taken this on as a campaign, and is even willing to bully (under the guide of reasonableness) one of the women who has come forward, but...for what purpose? As my husband and I have watched this situation go forward over the last few days, we have often wondered if some of the writers are actually who they say they are, and most of all: if the real motivation behind their defense is, in fact, Bo Lozoff. After all, there have been other issues than sexual abuse brought up here. What's really happening?
Koonarishi is determined that all this ought to be swept under the rug, to supposedly be dealt with by the principals. But evidently, it could have been dealt with many years ago, and wasn't. Treatment of sexual predators is a near-impossible task. In fact, in the worst cases, locking them up is the only thing that works. In "lesser" cases, complete and clear exposure of their behavior and protection of current and future victims is all that can be done, most of the time. So what's Koonarishi's beef? HKF was given the opportunity to take corrective action. It didn't. The women who came forward here are doing all they can reasonably do to heal themselves and protect others. As to poor Bo and his hurt feelings, well....sexual abuse is pretty much like alcoholism: incurable, but ABSOLUTELY, 100% preventable. Not one iota of this would have happened if Bo hadn't done what he did. It's really very simple.
As one of the first to comment on this expose, I pointed out that Bo Lozoff's demonstrated behavior is reminiscent of the typical characteristics of the clinically-diagnosed antisocial personality. Bo wasn't happy with that and, as he demonstrates time and again, does whatever he can to deflect attention from himself and turn it on others. This, and the resultant firestorm of comment, are also typical of the antisocial personality's way of creating chaos and dissension, polarizing those in the vicinity in such a way as to deflect attention from their own actions. Elsewhere in these comments, Bo is compared to Voldemort, this generation's typification of the antisocial personality al la Charles Mansion or others, and his "male dominance" behavior in a community of both males and femiles is compared to that of primates. This reminded me of teaching about brain evolution in "Psych 101" classes, where theories of evolution demonstrate the progression of human behavior from the instinctual, predatory "reptilian" brain to the "limbic" cortex, guided by emotional "thinking," and eventually to the higher-order "Neocortex" behavior demonstrated by some of our greatest leaders. But it is true that some of those greatest leaders have been guilty of "reptilian" behavior even while accomplishing great things, and so the question remains: what are we to do? How are we to react? The reader--and follower of Bo's--who suggests that the rest of us just "butt out" and leave the situation to those who are truly involved is misguided, I believe, because ALL of us are involved in any situation in which our own assumptions about those who put themselves above the rest of the herd and encourage us to follow them are acting as collective symbols of the evolving consciousness of all humankind. We are all thus responsible to correct the mistakes we tacitly and unthinkingly condone and examine ourselves as to why we allowed them to happen. It is true, our leaders get away with this kind of nonsense every single day, and we tell ourselves "oh, well, what can we do;" we excuse them in the interest of the "greater good," and then we wonder why, when this kind of thing comes close to us, it happened. Bo is not the only person here who needs to say "I'm sorry I let this happen. What can I do to fix it--and myself?" We all are. And we start by making it clear to our chosen leaders that we will not under any circumstances tolerate predatory and immoral behavior that flies in the face of their stated ideals.
As to Bo Lozoff, if those closest to him refuse to do this, there is some other reason why they don't, and we may never know what it is if we all just turn over and go back to sleep as we are being urged to do.
Bo, in response to your words above, don't be too sure I don't know you through other sources and other people. These could include friends, clients, and even people mentioned in this article;even those who preferred to remain anonymous. I have read your words, as well. Let me point out, however, that I did not "diagnose" you in any way, merely drew a comparison, one that could be made of many self-styled teachers. To say "I never called myself a teacher" makes not the slightest difference: if you've hurt people, you've hurt people. You've hurt people, Bo, and I do not see one single ounce of real regret for any of that, only self-serving "I'm a wild and crazy kind of guy" statements. Maybe it's time to grow up? Because if you really aren't a false prophet, why on earth are you hurting what might be truly creditable and meaningful work?
All Comments »
Indy Week • 302 E. Pettigrew St., Suite 300, Durham, NC 27701 • phone 919-286-1972 • fax 919-286-4274
RSS Feeds | Powered by Foundation